Monday, February 14, 2005


Rock Bottom Revisited: I fall off a couch.

People (usually the ones featured on this site) always ask me the same thing when they read this blog...
"Gee Tyler, how come there are never pictures of you doing stupid things on here?"

Well, the simple answer is that I just don't do stupid things that often - with a camera around, anyway. This is not to say that it doesn't happen, it's just that I don't seem to have the gene in me that seems to turn people into magnates for mishap when ever there's a digital camera around. Most of the time. Don't get me wrong though, we love you guys; this blog wouldn't exist without you!
For the people who've been raising eyebrows at the fact that I never post pictures of myself on here, say, I dunno - falling off a couch, amognst other things - then here is your chance.

It was a couple of weeks ago, and the all of us decided to go out to Rock Bottom in Sandwich Town, fulfilling our promise to ourselves to do just that more often. If you've even been to this site before you know that when the entire house goes out, something interesting is going to happen.
Needless to say, Rock Bottom was awesome. Good live rock music (provided by One Man's Opinion, if you're looking for a good rock band in Windsor) and the recently opened upstairs bar provided a good setting for gluttonous beer consumption.

As usual, the mood was set right after a few pitchers of good beer. I had brought my video camera out on this particular evening and the footage gets interesting (again, as it always does) by the time we reach this stage of the evening. It's too bad I don't have any footage of Mike dancing again...

That guy sure can cut up a rug. Can anyone tell me what the Hell Coty has in front of him up here? After some close inspection I've concluded that looks like a clear plastic bag full of beer, which if you think about it, for us is not that far-fetched. In fact, at this point pretty much all we can see is beer, so it would make sense that we'd want to bag it, right? Right.

I even try my hand at hypnotizing whoever is behind the camera here...

Do you feel sleepy? Good, neither do I.

The night wears on. We drink more. I get the great idea (I don't mean that sarcastically) that interviewing random people on the video camera would be really fun. Unfortunately, the first few interviews don't actually make it on tape because of some technical errors (forgot to press Record), but there is at least some footage of very confused civilians being asked random questions. Why do I say civilians? Well, as we're walking downstairs to leave the bar, I notice that most of the ground level of Rock Bottom has been taken up by a few dozen guys fully decked out in fatigues. We were still in interview mode - jackpot.
I pass one of them on the stairs, introduce myself. It turns out these guys are reserves who've done their maneuvers for the month and are now going out to get pissed. Reserves? Alright, so this guy won't mind if I ask him a few questions on camera. As soon as I pull up the ol' Sony, the guy stammers that he has to ask his superior officer if it's alright. I've had a few by this point, so I play along - what the hell? Some military guys would be golden footage.

Sure enough, the officer, a ram-rod straight guy no older than me comes up with an air of grand military importance and asks me what I'm doing in his best Macarthur voice. These guys are in the reserves: They put in barely eight hours a month of training, and not to say I know a lot about army life, but these guys are not exactly Navy Seals.
"Oh, I'm just doing a school project and was wondering if I could do a short interview with one of you guys - if you don't mind, of course," I ask him in my best just-doing-this-for-school voice. Macarthur doesn't buy it. In fact, he starts giving me this spiel about how what I'm doing is unpatriotic. Unpatriotic? What the fff... But he goes on! He tells me that I should have respect for them because a guy he knows in another unit, knows a guy that dated a chick who's brother is in Afghanistan. Did I mention that these guys were fucking reserves? Not exactly the front line, you know.

We leave without any footage of the grand warriors, but satisfied in the knowledge that security guards at Wall Mart have more training than most of those guys combined. Then we vow to laugh at the Canadian "Armed Forces" whenever we get a chance.

Ah, yes. Then we make it home. Here is where the night gets a little hazy, to say the least. Most likely, this happened before we went skating (I'll get to that in a minute...), but here is what you've all been waiting for: Gravity and I have a disagreement for the first, but not last time of the evening...

What can I say? that damned this just snuck up on me. One minute I was one the couch, the next I was staring at the ground. As you can see though, it does look like I had some help. I can't blame them though, I would have done the same to me, too.

As some of you will know, not far from our house there is a pool. As fewer of you will know, in the winter they don't empty out the pool all the way, so it makes a great skating rink. Most of the rest of the house had been out to play hokey on the rink in the last little while, but I hadn't been out there yet. We decide to go skating.
I feel I have to mention at this point that we're pretty drunk. I think I fell a few times before I even get to the rink, but worse problems were ahead of us. For instance, when we do get to the rink, the hole in the fence where people usually get in is patched up. This is a fifteen-foot fence. Did I mention we were pretty hammered?
Mike, JM, Coty and I must have looked pretty funny trying to get up that fence, because we weren't having too much luck in our state. Gravity and I have another disagreement when I'm half way up the fence one second, and the next second I'm on the ground - staring at the sky this time - with my hands still out in front of me. There is also a lot of pain in the back of my head that wasn't there before. In fact, Coty is the only one that makes it over the fence, which is good because he is able to fetch Mike's skates which he had thrown over the fence before he realized that he wouldn't be able to make it over.

We head back to the house in defeat - something that I don't exactly remember, but we must have because I woke up in my bed; and going to bed probably being the best decision I made the whole night. On that note, I'll leave you with picture of me doing just that. You're a bastard, Coty.

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Delata f is the original open-sourced Anti-Frat. Dedicated to sticking it to the man; respect for every one; changing this crazy urban world we call home in a way that makes it more awesome, and of course, we party a lot, too. Located at 194 Bridge Ave. In Windsor Ontario. Be the first and coolest kid on your block to join an Anti-Frat!! See you at the Bar!!

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